A better love

I've come to the realization that I've been wrong about love my whole life. I used to think that love was about doing things for others, caring for them, making sacrifices, creating happiness, being kind, etc. These are all beautiful aspects of a loving relationship, but they all sort of miss the point. What really grows love is not what we do but how we receive. When I think about my closest friendships, I find that what stands out is how much a friend can see of me and how I'm accepted. Do I have to hide myself, or can I show who I am without fear or shame? Can I talk about what's difficult in my life, or share my hopes and dreams, and not feel rejected or ridiculed? That to me is the mark of a true loving friendship.

Romantic relationships are no different - the receiving is still greater than the giving. It doesn't matter so much what my husband does for me as how I receive it. If I don't receive who he is and what he is offering me with joy and acceptance, then I'm not actually loving him. On the other hand, if I am hurting or struggling, I don't need help or fixing so much as to be heard and acknowledged. The help and the acts of love are important, but they aren't enough by themselves. The greatest thing we can do for each other is bearing witness, whether in joy or in sorrow. This deep need for connection is what makes us human, and connection doesn't exist without receiving.

So much of our hurt feelings arise from missing this crucial point, whether in relationships with our parents or friends or partners. How much more could we be if we knew how to love well? I love this quote from the movie Cloud Atlas: "To be is to be perceived. And so to know thyself is only possible through the eyes of the other." On a spiritual level, love is an act of creation, and what we are creating is each other.

By what men fall

I came across the most beautiful quote the other day. It is from the Kularnava Tantra, and it goes:

By what men fall, by that they rise.

This is so true, and so powerful. Our nature as human beings is to struggle - with ourselves, with our environments, with each other. But this isn't without meaning or hope. We may not know it, but we chose this life, we chose to struggle because that is what makes us grow, what brings creativity and consciousness into being. And it is no accident the kinds of struggles we encounter in our lives. Each one of us has specific lessons to learn, and it is our own unique path of struggle that brings us to this lesson.

As healers, we learn to transform our wounds into healing. That's because there is energy in our wounds, and if we want deep change we have to look for something that runs deep within us. Each one of us has traumas that make us who we are today, and we can either let those stories limit us or we can use them to empower ourselves. Sometimes it's just a small shift from one frame of mind to another. Sometimes it's an entire healing journey that takes us deeper and deeper until we are restoring our very soul. No two people are the same, yet everyone can experience this same healing.

The healer's role is not to do the healing for us but rather to support us on our own journey, to be a sacred witness that will watch for us until we are strong enough to see for ourselves. How many of us have experienced someone standing up for us, or loving us, and thus learned how to stand up for ourselves or love ourselves? So this is how healing works - we pass it from one to another, in a long lineage and onto the next generation.

Aho.

What is Healing Lines?

The name is an expression of a combination of healing practices and wisdom teachings. There is a core need for both in our modern lives, but we often want to go straight for the healing and gloss over the wisdom and spirituality. It is easy to see why healing is important, whether for our own health or as a society. Everything from stress and disease to toxic or broken relationships is a cry for healing. The anger and injustice and suffering in the world is a cry for healing. Modern science may be progressing faster than ever to address our physical problems, but there's so much more to us that isn't yet understood. And this is where the beauty of healing comes in. We call it working “upstream,” treating the whole human being before our bodies start to break down from stress, environmental, or genetic influences. And the wisdom teachings help us to integrate the healing, showing us what it means to live as whole human beings and not shattered or divided souls. This combination runs deep and takes time to work, but the change is drastic and, most importantly, lasting. The greatest gift is that when we heal ourselves, the healing will start to spread to those around us, radiating out through our families, friends, and communities. This work is my deep wish for you to be your fully realized self, so that others may find healing as well.

- Winnie